Sophie's Birth Story | Part Three

Before reading Part Three, make sure you’ve read Part One and Part Two, first!

There’s not much more to write about her actual birth, but I wanted to write a post that shared about the next few days in the hospital, her incredible strength, and how I’ve been processing everything.

Immediately after she was born, there was the possibility that she would need to be taken away for medical treatment; for just about anything. Because she was early, they weren’t sure how healthy she would be. Right away, they confirmed that she was perfectly healthy and her lungs were strong! So, I was able to have her on my chest immediately and we had skin to skin for at least an hour. I kept asking if she was okay, and they always reassured me that she was perfect! She started to nurse right away and was perfectly healthy! Her blood sugar was perfect, too. 

All the nurses were absolutely shocked that she was doing so well right away! For us, we knew it was an answer to prayer! So many of our friends and family were covering us in prayer as we awaited our precious girl. 

With Knox and his emergency c-section, I was in bed until the evening after he was born. I was shocked that pretty quickly after giving birth, I was getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. They waste no time, ha! Pretty soon, we were moved out of the labor and delivery room into our room. Sophie was born on May 27th, which is also my sisters birthday. So, I was hoping some of my family could come meet her since the last few days had been so challenging. At the time of her birth, the hospital's policy was that I could have one person with me at a time. So, Joel left to go get me some frozen yogurt while my mom and two sisters took turns coming to meet Sophie. 

She had to eat every 2-3 hours, so we barely slept that night. We were going off of little sleep for the last 4 days, so those nights at the hospital after her birth were rough. The next day we saw the pediatrician and a bunch of tests were done to check Sophie’s heart, hearing, lungs, etc. The only thing that was an issue was her bilirubin levels. So, she was under the lights a lot for the next two days. We were hoping we would go home Friday (she was born on Wednesday), but they ended up needing us to stay until Saturday to make sure her bilirubin levels came down. 

All the nurses we had (and we had a lot) were so shocked and surprised by our story. We had multiple nurses and lactation consultants tell us they never see 35-week babies eat so well. She was a little miracle. They were also shocked that she was passing all of her tests. 

While her labor and delivery was everything we wouldn’t have wanted, we were so blessed to have such a healthy preemie with us. 

As a couple months have passed since her birth, I am still working through a lot of trauma and grief surrounding her birth. As I mentioned in Part One of her birth story, I had been praying for a beautiful, redemptive birth. For some reason, I felt entitled to a better labor and delivery situation after what I went through with Knox. But, that doesn’t always happen. I prayed a lot. I asked God to give us a specific outcome for her labor and delivery. It didn’t happen. Does that mean God ignored my prayers or that I didn’t have enough faith? I don’t think so. I think it’s an example of how I need to always surrender my needs and desires to Him. Yes, I am disappointed. Even though I have a healthy baby, I can still grieve not having the labor and delivery I prayed for. Through pregnancy, labor, and giving birth, I have learned so much about what it means to fully depend on Christ. I’ve learned a lot about what it means to let go of control. I’ve learned a lot about surrendering my life to Him. 

Being induced and choosing to have an epidural where never in my plans. If you asked me what type of births I would have, the two I’ve had are pretty close to my “worst case scenario” but life doesn’t work out how we want it sometimes. It doesn’t mean I failed or did something wrong to deserve this kind of outcome. Birth and labor are crazy—and I my body and babies didn’t respond in the way I deemed “perfect.” Oh well. I have to let it go and trust that my story can bring comfort to someone else. We often don’t get everything we want. Life rarely goes the way we want it to, and learning to choose peace and trusting God through it all is a valuable lesson. And one that I am definitely learning right now :)

I don’t have the perfect way to finish this blog post up with a nice shiny bow. I can say that I’m grateful Sophie came early. I’m grateful she is healthy. And I’m beyond grateful that I was able to do a VBAC. I’m also working through grief and trauma from her birth. It’s a constant balance of joy and sorrow. If you’ve had a traumatic birth or your birth went opposite of what you wanted, I totally understand. It’s a lot of emotions to work through, but you aren’t alone. The fact that we grew a human and birthed he/she is a miracle. Period. Remember that you are so strong and amazing for simply being you.

Thank you for reading along with her birth story. There’s so much vulnerability and raw emotion that comes with writing out my birth story. Thank you for allowing me this space and not bringing judgment.